Vayishlach

Our Parsha begins with Yaakov heading back home after being away for many years. When he hears that Eisav is heading toward him with four hundred soldiers, he fears for his life & the lives of his family. Yaakov institutes a three step plan to help him win a potential war with Eisav. He sends a large gift to appease him, he prays to Hashem to help him &, as a last resort, he splits his family into two camps so that even if they go to war at least half will survive. 

Then, the Torah tells us that Yakkov went back alone to get his jars, at which time the angel of Eisav came to fight Yaakov who managed to overcome him but was left limping. Afterwards, the Torah tells us וישא יעקב עיניו וירא והנה עשב בא ועמו ארבע מאות איש, that Yaakov looked up & Eisav was coming toward him with the four hundred men. So Yaakov, fearful of what may happen, ויחץ את הילדים split up the children among their mothers.  ‏והוא עבר לפניהם וישתחו ארצה שבע פעמים עד גדשתו עד אחיו,

‎And he went on ahead of them & bowed earthward seven times until he reached his brother.

‎I heard a fascinating question from Rabbi Yosef Mizrachi, how was it that all his wives & children were with him when he approached Eisav?  ‎Didn't we say before that Yaakov split the family into two camps? Wasn't he still afraid of war? Why were they all together? 

Also, why would Yaakov bow so many times to Eisav? Is it proper for a Tzaddik to lower himself so much to a Rasha?

Reb Yosef Chaim Sonnnefeld explains with a true story that happened ‎in a small town in Poland.  One of the Jews of the town caused many problems for the Jews of that town. He would inform on them to the government, causing everyone to be afraid of him, so he demanded that he sit up front in the big shul on Shabbos and that he always get called up to the Torah for the most prestigious Alia. One day, the rabbi of the city died and a new rabbi took his place. When the new rabbi heard about this fellow, he vowed to put an end to it. The next Shabbos, when this man got called up to the Torah, the rabbi banged on the bima and said "What’s going to be with the holy Torah? how could a disgusting mouth that gives over the money and lives of the Jewish people to the government bless the Torah? Get out!”  The informer was shocked and went to go and hit the rabbi but the people held him back. He left shaking his fist at the rabbi saying, “I'll get you!”

A while later, the rabbi, with two students accompanying him, had to go to the next town to perform a bris. As they were on the way, they saw the informer coming toward them on his horse. The students were very afraid but the rabbi remained calm. Suddenly, the informant came charging at the rabbi. To the astonishment of the students, the informant stopped right when he got to the rabbi and started asking for forgiveness for all his crimes and how he treated the rabbi.  When he finished what he had to say, he got back on his horse and left. When the rabbi saw the dumbfounded look on his students’ faces, he explained, “when I saw the informant riding toward us, I thought to get saved with a posuk in the Torah. A posuk in Mishley came to mind, כמים הפנים לפנים כן לב האדם לאדם, “As water reflects a face back to a face, so one’s heart is reflected back to him by another.”  Quickly, I started to think of ways to justify his actions. Had he had a proper education he would never do this; how he must feel that he has no choice; maybe he’s under a lot of pressure. I continued to try to find excuses for him until I really felt bad for him and took all hatred for him out of my heart. Once I did that, his heart also had good feelings about me and he started to think good about me until he came to a state of teshuva.

‎Continued Reb yosef Chaim, this is what happened with Yaakov when Eisav was coming toward him. His full hatred was still burning & Yaakov, too, hated Eisav. However, when he saw Eisav coming toward him, he started bowing as he went.  While doing that, he was changing his mindset to find the good in Eisav so that when he finally reached him, all the hatred was gone from his heart. Right after that, the Torah says that Eisav ran to greet him & even kissed & hugged him, because once Yaakov released the hatred from his heart, the hatred left Eisav's heart too. 

Perhaps this is why he didn't feel that he had to split up his family any more. Once he realized that by just taking the hatred out of his heart, ‎he would be able to subdue Aisav, there was no need to split up any more. It worked so well that Eisav asked to travel with them. He wanted to stay together with Yaakov & his family which shows how far the hatred was gone. This teaches us, says the Meiri, that if we want to know how someone feels about us, we have to see how we feel about them for what's in our heart is in theirs. If one feels that someone hates him, instead of hating them back, he should try to put love in his heart for them. That will turn their hate into love, too. If we all do this, then we will once again be כאיש אחד בלב אחד!