Chayei Sara

After the events of the akaida at which Yitzchok was almost sacrificed,  Avraham decided that he would find a wife for his son. He made his servant, Eliezer, swear that he would search for a wife for him back in Charan, the land of Avraham’s family. Eliezer goes to Charan to look for the right girl for Yitzchok. In order to ascertain if the girl would be right for Yitzchok, Eliezer had to know that she possessed the trait of chesed, kindness. ‎

Eliezer prays to Hashem that he find the right one & made a test for the girl he chose to pass to prove that she possessed this trait of chesed. והיה הנער אשר אמר אליה הטי נא כדך ואשתה , let it be that the maiden to whom I shall say, please tip over your jug so I may drink, ואמרה שתה וגם גמליך אשקה , and who replies, drink and I will even water your camels, אתה הכחת לעבדך ליצחק, her, will You have designated for your servant, for Yitzchok. 

The Ben Ish Chai says if you analyze the pesukim you will see that what actually happened was a little different then what Eliezer had asked for. He had asked that when he asked for water, her response should be, “drink & I will even water your camels”.   What she actually said was, drink & then she gave him the jug to drink from & then when he was finished drinking, she said, “I will also give your camels to drink.”      

He explains from the Bais Aaron who says that everything was supposed to happen just as Eliezer had asked. However, there also had to be a reason & intelligence behind her actions. She knew exactly what she was doing; with her actions she was not only showing her chesed, she was also showing that she did things with thought & performed her chesed without any negative feelings. 

What did she do? She gave Eliezer to drink, who drank the water straight out of the jug. She didn’t know him at all and was uncertain if he was clean or if he had any diseases. ‎So what would she do with the rest of the water. She couldn't bring the remainder home to her family. To pour it out on the floor & get new water would be disrespectful so she offered to give the camels to drink so she could use the rest of the water on them & solve her dilemma, showing that not only did she do chesed but she did it the right way. 

Once, when Reb Yisroel Salant was on the train going to Vilna, he traveled alone & dressed like an ordinary person. A man was sitting next to him on the train in the smoking section & Reb Yisroel was smoking. This man obnoxiously said to Reb Yisroel that the smoke was bothering him. Instead of pointing out that he was riding in the smoking section, Reb Yisroel just apologized & put out the cigarette. A little while later, this man calls out again, “I can't sit anywhere near this old man; now he opened the window & it's cold. Again, Reb Yisroel just smiled & said, “I didn't open it but if you’re cold, I will close it for you. 

When the train pulled up to the station ‎there was a large crowd gathered to greet Reb Yisroel. When the man realized whom he had been harassing, he was mortified & went the next day to were Reb Yisroel was staying to ask forgiveness. 

When he came in, Reb Yisroel greeted him warmly. The man broke down, crying bitterly & apologized for what he had done. Reb Yisroel spent a lot of time consoling him & made him feel better. As he was leaving, Reb Yisroel asked him what brought him to Vilna to which he replied, to become a shochet.  Reb Yisroel helped him find a teacher & made sure he knew everything.  Afterwards, he helped him find a job, all to show that he had no hard feelings & the man shouldn’t be embarrassed to see him.

This shows us‎ how far we have to go to avoid harming another individual.  Even when doing someone a favor, one has to make sure not to hurt or embarrass them in the process.  Or if someone is embarrassed already, to do everything in our power to ‎minimize it, thereby accomplishing the ultimate form of chesed!  

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