Shortly before his death, Yaakov summons Yosef and asks him to swear that he will bury him in the cave of Machpelah where his parents and grandparents are buried. The posuk then tells us how Yaakov explains to Yosef why he didn't bury his mother there, saying he shouldn't have hard feelings that now I’m asking you to bury me there when I didn't do the same for your mother. ואני בבאי מפדן מתה עלי רחל, but as for me when I came from Paddan, Rachel died on me. ואקברה שם בדרך אפרת היא בית לחם, and I buried her there on the road to Ephrath, which is Bais Lechem.
Rashi says, that he didn't even take her to Bais Lechem, to bury her in a settled land. Instead, he just buried her on the side of the road. He continues that he did it by the word of Hashem, so that when the Jews are exiled and pass by Rachel's tomb, she will go out and pray for them.
The עלינו לשבח asks, how do we understand this? Every Jewish child who's brought up in a religious home knows that we have to judge everyone favorably; surely a son has to judge his father favorably. These are the Avos, and the son in question is the closest to his father; how could it be that Yosef would hold a grudge and not give his father the benefit of the doubt?
He answers that, of course, Yosef would give the benefit of the doubt as demonstrated by his not holding a grudge against his brothers. However, when it came to his mother's honor, he just couldn't shake the feeling that something wasn't right. As much as he tried to give his father the benefit of the doubt, he just couldn't get the question out of his heart. This teaches us that, even though we have a commandment to judge everyone favorably, if one can't, despite trying to find a reason, Hashem won't fault him for not judging favorably, as long as one doesn't take action because of it. In the case of Reuvain, another one of the shevatim, who was sticking up for his mother's honor, and moved Yaakov's bed to his mother's tent after Rachel’s death, in order that his mother shouldn't be inferior to the maidservants. He was punished because he took action. Yosef and Reuvain both took offense at a perceived injustice to their mothers, yet Reuvain, who took action, lost the bechora while Yosef, who didn't do anything, gained the bechora.
I saw a story by Mrs. Yehudis Samet that brings this idea home to us. She writes, “a friend called me for the name of a photographer to use for a simcha. I gave him the name of an excellent photographer.” “I’ve heard of him,” said my friend, “but I also heard he’s unreliable.” “What makes you say so?” I asked. “Well, I’m told that he was recently hired for a bar mitzvah and he arrived after it was half over. There’s no way I’d hire a person who is so irresponsible.” “Are you sure it’s true?” I asked him. “I’m positive,” he said. “Yisrael was the head of the band that night, and he told it to me himself.” “Maybe, due to unforeseen circumstances, he was delayed,” I said, trying my best to judge favorably. “Perhaps you’re right,” replied my friend “but I just can’t risk it. Besides, there is no reason in the world for coming late. There is absolutely no excuse for a photographer to walk in after half the affair is over!” “He had a strong point. When I hung up the phone I found myself in a real quandary. Could I really recommend someone unreliable? I called the musician and he verified the whole story. The very next day, I bumped into my good friend, the photographer. “Is it true that you arrived halfway through the bar mitzvah?” I asked. “Yes, it certainly is,” he said. “But why are you asking?” “I just recommended you for a job, and the people refused to take you.” He looked at me in disbelief, and then began telling me his story. “The job was not mine at all,” he began. “The photographer who had been hired for the job failed to show up. I received an emergency call in the middle of the affair to come down immediately. Despite being very busy at that moment, I dropped everything I was doing and came down as a personal favor to them.”
Sometimes, the reasons why something is done is beyond the scope of our reasoning. Yosef couldn't have known Hashem's plan for having Rachel buried on the road, but we just have to trust that there is a reason. Let's take this to heart and try to judge everyone favorably. Even if we can't figure out the reason, we shouldn’t act on our feeling, for one never knows what's really going on!
