Vayeitzei

This week’s parsha continues with Yaakov leaving home and traveling to his mother's family in Charan, at her request to save him from the anger of his brother. Normally, at the point where a new parsha begins, there is a space which the commentators tell us was to allow Moshe to have some time to think about what he just learned and to delve into it. The Baal Haturim tells us that our parsha is closed, meaning there is no space between this parsha and the last one because Yaakov had to sneak out to run away.

Reb Chaim Shmulevitz asks what does the fact that Yaakov had to run away have to do with Moshe having time to understand the parsha?

The next posuk states, ויפגע במקום וילן שם, he encountered the place and spent the night there. Rashi tells us a few pesukim later that this incident with the ladder did not happen on his way, but a little later. Originally, Yaakov had passed the place where the Bais Hamikdash would be built without stopping. Once he realized that he had passed the place where his father and grandfather had prayed, he started going back for he regretted not having stopped. The gemara tells us that Hashem then uprooted that mountain and brought it toward Yaakov where they met in Beth-el. The Torah uses the word ויפגע, he encountered, for that connotes two parties moving towards each other. As Rashi explains, Hashem didn't cause him to stop when he passed by the first time since he didn't think about it and decide on his own, Hashem wasn't going to force him.

The sefer Zichron Meir writes that we see how far reaching are the words of chazal. The Gemara tells us הבא ליטהר מסייען אותו, one who comes to be purified we help him. When Yaakov passed by the holy site and had no feeling on his own to stop and pray, there was no heavenly intervention to get him to stop. However, when he himself had the thought and wanted to go back and he started on his way, then came an aberration of nature where the land came to meet him.

There are two places in the Torah where we are told that a person was able to cover a long distance miraculously. One is in the current parsha when Yaakov was on his way to the house of Besual to find a wife and the other one was when Eliezer went to find a wife for Yitzchok. The Torah tells us that, miraculously, he reached the well the same day he left. The Bikkurei Aviv tells us that this is a lesson for all time. He says many people fear when their children come of age to get married that they, on their own, won't be able to pay for a wedding or help their children get on their feet to start a new home. The Torah teaches us never to despair for when it comes to marriage, the Torah makes a seemingly long journey go very quickly. We must be like our forefathers to put our trust in Hashem; before we know it, we’ll have arrived at our destination.

Perhaps with this concept we can answer Reb Chaim’s question why this parsha is closed. Didn't Moshe have to think and contemplate this parsha, too? Perhaps not, for he's teaching us that when it comes to things that we won’t understand anyway: how it will work; how we will be able to do it; it's closed, which means, don't think about it too much. If one thinks too much, he'll never do it. When Yaakov decided to go back, Hashem helped him immediately in a supernatural way. So, too, when we need to do something and take the first step without thinking it through too much, Hashem will be there to take us the rest of the way!

Toldos

After the Torah relates the birth of Yaakov and Eisav, it informs us that they grew up and went their separate ways. The Torah tells us ויאהב יצחק את עשו , "And Yitzchok loved Eisav," and ורבקה אהבת את יעקב, "Rivka loved Yaakov." One may think this a little odd; it seems that Yitzchok and Rivka were picking favorites. Indeed, since Eisav was a rasha, how could Yitzchok choose him? 

It's difficult to believe that Yitzchok was fooled by Eisav as the sefer שפתי כהן proposes; Yitzchok knew exactly what Eisav was all about, yet he still was close to him and wanted to bless him. He reasoned that if he kept him close, there was a chance he would turn his life around. 

Rebbi Meir of Pomishlan said that this will be the redeeming factor that saves the Jewish people at the end of time. The Gemara tells us that when Hashem will come to the Avos and say your children sinned, Yitzchok will be the only one to stand up for us and say to Hashem are they my children and not Yours? Then he will say, “I also had a child who didn't go the way I wanted, yet I still loved him, took care of him and blessed him.  I am of flesh and blood, but You who are all merciful, surely should have compassion on your children even if they didn't do what You wanted."

A student once complained to a rabbi that his parents were unusually strict. When the rabbi spoke to the parents, they said this was their way of parenting. The rabbi said to them, “Maybe you’re right, maybe you’re wrong; let's go ask  Rav Shach this question."  Rav Shach answered: “The Torah gave a dual role to parents, to be a teacher while also being a parent, which in a way are contradictory. Parents must give love and teachers must be tough.” The parents, who were listening, thought he was agreeing with them. Then he continued, "That was all in the old days before there were yeshivos and the parents had to do everything. However, nowadays when there are yeshivos who do the teaching, they are the ones who can be strict and the parents’ role is only to give love.” Rav Shach told the parents, “At home, only show love; let the yeshiva discipline him; a home has to be warm and comforting.”

This is why Yitzchok was so close to Eisav, because he wanted to give him the warmth of an inviting home so that he would mend his ways. The Torah says that they sent Yaakov away because Eisav wanted to kill him. On this, I heard a question from Rabbi YY Jacobson, “Why didn't they send Eisav away?" He was the problem. Couldn't they have figured out some good reason for him to go out of town so that Yaakov would be safe? He answered that it was because Eisav needed to be home with Yitzchok; he needed the home environment more. They weren't worried about Yaakov because they knew he would turn out ok. Eisav, however, needed the home more. That's why the end of the parsha states when they sent Yaakov away, רבקה אם יעקב ועשו, that Rivka is the mother of Yaakov and Eisav. We know who she is, we just had a whole parsha dealing with her and her children. Why do we need this identification? It says that Rivka was their mother to teach us that she was Eisav's mother too, not that she just cared about Yaakov.  She sent Yaakov away because she felt that Eisav needed the home more. We need to learn to make our homes inviting and comfortable so that our kids want to stay.  No matter what the challenge, be there for them!

Chayei Sarah

After the events of the Akeida, Avraham, realizing that he almost lost his son with no heirs, decides it's time to find a wife for his son. He sends his servant, Eliezer, back to his old home town to find a wife from the family of Avraham. He comes to the well and sees a girl coming to draw water. The posuk tells us וירץ העבד לקראתה, the servant ran towards her, ויאמר הגמיאיני נא מעט מים מכדך, and said, “let me sip, please, a little water from your jug."

Rashi tells us he ran specifically to her because he saw the water from the well going up toward her. The Ramban explains how we see this from the pesukim. When the posuk tells us that she went to draw water for the camels it says, ותשאב לכל גמליו, "and she drew for all his camels," inferring that she had to draw the water. However, here it says ותמלא כדה ותעל, "she filled her jug and ascended," with no mention of drawing the water. Therefore, we know that the water came up to her which is what Eliezer saw; therefore, her ran to her.

The sefer Kedushos Levi asks, “What's going on over here? If she's a tzadekes so the water comes up to her to alleviate the trouble of drawing it, then why when she went to draw the water for the camels which was much more work, didn't the water come up to her? Why did she have to draw all that water?

He explains that she originally came to draw water for herself, so the water came up to her so she wouldn't have to work too hard.  However, when she was drawing water for the camels to do chesed for someone else, the water didn't come up to her, for when a person works hard to do a mitzva and it doesn't come easy, then the mitzva counts so much more. Therefore, the water didn't come up to her so that she would gain the most from the mitzva.

There's a story told about the Bardichiver  Rebbe who had a stingy miser in his town who died. The chevra kadisha decided that they will at least get some money from him now, so they charged an exorbitant fee for the burial plot. The family came running to the Bardichiver to complain. The Bardichiver agreed and told the chevra to charge them a cheap price and tell him when the funeral would be so that he could attend. Then he told them about three court cases when this miser was brought to him. In the first case, a wine merchant had come into town to buy his stock of wine for the year. He made a deal with the seller, loaded up all the wine, but, when he came to pay, realized that his money was gone. The merchant was devastated; this was his whole livelihood for the year. The miser happened to be walking by, heard the commotion and then said, “Hey, I found your money," and gave him all the money that he lost. The real thief saw what happened and felt guilty, so he wanted to give the miser back his money, but the miser refused. The second time, a man in town couldn't support his family so he decided to travel to try his luck elsewhere. He left town and told his wife to go to the miser for a check every week. The wife went to the miser telling him that her husband said he would give her a check every week until he gets back. The miser, sensing that this family would have no other means of support, gave her a check every week for close to two years. When the husband returned, he was shocked to hear that the miser had taken care of his family. He went to pay him back, but, again, the miser wouldn't take it. The last time, a poor man came to him for a loan.  The miser asked who the guarantor  would be and the poor man answered, “Hashem," so he gave him the loan. A year later, the poor man went to pay him back and he wouldn't take it, saying that Hashem had sent him a few big deals and he was paid up. 

Rabbi Fischel Schachter told over this story with an interesting take on this from his Rebbi. One would think that the Bardichiver was saying this man was really a tzadik and these were examples. He said, “No, really this man was a miser, but he would try to work on himself to change. Usually, he didn't succeed; however, these three times he overcame himself and that was his ticket to eternity. Even though it was against his nature and was difficult for him, he was successful." Rabbi Schachter says this teaches us never to stop trying, for no matter what our struggles, as long as we try, even if we're just successful a few times, it's worth it. The harder it is and the more we work, the greater the reward will be!

Vayeira

On the third day after Avraham gave himself a bris, Hashem, in order that Avraham not be bothered, caused a great heat so that there would be no travelers for Avraham to host. Avraham whose very essence was kindness, was not at all happy about that and was looking out for people that he could help.  Hashem, seeing that Abraham's emotional pain was greater than his physical pain, had three angels that looked like travelers, pass by his tent so that he could host them. 

Avraham sees the angels, runs to them, asks them to stay and says יקח נא מעט מים ורחצו רגליכם, "Let some water be brought, please wash your feet," and ואקחה פת לחם, "I will bring some bread." Rav Shach notes that the Gemara tells us that Avraham went and slaughtered three cows so that he could give each of the three guests the choicest part of the animal. We see that he spared no expense in treating his guests, so Rav Shach asks, why when Avraham said bring water, he said just bring a little? 

He answered with a story. Once, when Reb Yisroel Salanter went to one of his students for a meal, he went to wash his hands. Since at that time they didn't have running water, they had a butler who would have to go to the well, draw the water and bring it to the house. The student saw that his Rebbi was using very minimal water to wash his hands. The student, alluding to the Gemara that says if you use a lot of water to wash for bread you will have abundance and blessing from heaven asked jokingly, "Doesn't the rabbi want to become wealthy?” The rabbi answered, “I don't want to get rich on the back of the butler; he shouldn't have to work harder so I can get bracha."

The Gemara also tells us that whatever Avraham did for the guests himself, Hashem paid back his children himself, and whatever Avraham did with a helper Hashem paid back with a helper. The Torah tells us that Avraham ran to the cattle himself, so Hashem himself brought the Jews meat in the desert. However, the water that Avraham brought by way of a messenger, Hashem sent the Jews water in the desert by way of a messenger. Moshe had to get water from the rock, Hashem didn't give it himself.

So, says Rav Shach, what Avraham did himself, like the cattle, he didn't skimp at all and brought them each the best cut from their own cow. However, the water that he had someone else bring, he said to bring a little, for even a mitzva he didn't want to do in the best way, if it was going to affect someone else. 

It would seem though, that he was punished for this since Hashem didn't give the Jews the water Himself. What did he do wrong? He had his son bring the water to teach him to do mitzvos; why would he be punished? The sefer בני שלמה says that had Moshe brought the Jews into Israel, then the Bais Hamikdash never could have been destroyed. If that were the case, when the Jews sinned, there would have been no hope for them, for then they would have been destroyed. Now, when they sinned, Hashem took out his anger on the Bais Hamikdash and destroyed it instead of the people. 

What caused Moshe not to be able to go into the land? It was because he hit the rock to get water for the people. Now if Hashem Himself had given the water, Moshe wouldn't have hit the rock and he would have gone into the land. It turns out that that would have been the worst thing for the Jews. This shows us that Avraham did the right thing by sending the water with his son, even though then he had to give less. This teaches how careful we must be even when doing mitzvos, not to do them in a way that's going to affect other people. As Reb Yisroel said, “not of the back of the Butler." However, what you can do yourself, do the best you can!