Vayishlach

Our Parsha begins with Yaakov heading back home after being away for many years. When he hears that Eisav is heading toward him with four hundred soldiers, he fears for his life & the lives of his family. Yaakov institutes a three step plan to help him win a potential war with Eisav. He sends a large gift to appease him, he prays to Hashem to help him &, as a last resort, he splits his family into two camps so that even if they go to war at least half will survive. 

Then, the Torah tells us that Yakkov went back alone to get his jars, at which time the angel of Eisav came to fight Yaakov who managed to overcome him but was left limping. Afterwards, the Torah tells us וישא יעקב עיניו וירא והנה עשב בא ועמו ארבע מאות איש, that Yaakov looked up & Eisav was coming toward him with the four hundred men. So Yaakov, fearful of what may happen, ויחץ את הילדים split up the children among their mothers.  ‏והוא עבר לפניהם וישתחו ארצה שבע פעמים עד גדשתו עד אחיו,

‎And he went on ahead of them & bowed earthward seven times until he reached his brother.

‎I heard a fascinating question from Rabbi Yosef Mizrachi, how was it that all his wives & children were with him when he approached Eisav?  ‎Didn't we say before that Yaakov split the family into two camps? Wasn't he still afraid of war? Why were they all together? 

Also, why would Yaakov bow so many times to Eisav? Is it proper for a Tzaddik to lower himself so much to a Rasha?

Reb Yosef Chaim Sonnnefeld explains with a true story that happened ‎in a small town in Poland.  One of the Jews of the town caused many problems for the Jews of that town. He would inform on them to the government, causing everyone to be afraid of him, so he demanded that he sit up front in the big shul on Shabbos and that he always get called up to the Torah for the most prestigious Alia. One day, the rabbi of the city died and a new rabbi took his place. When the new rabbi heard about this fellow, he vowed to put an end to it. The next Shabbos, when this man got called up to the Torah, the rabbi banged on the bima and said "What’s going to be with the holy Torah? how could a disgusting mouth that gives over the money and lives of the Jewish people to the government bless the Torah? Get out!”  The informer was shocked and went to go and hit the rabbi but the people held him back. He left shaking his fist at the rabbi saying, “I'll get you!”

A while later, the rabbi, with two students accompanying him, had to go to the next town to perform a bris. As they were on the way, they saw the informer coming toward them on his horse. The students were very afraid but the rabbi remained calm. Suddenly, the informant came charging at the rabbi. To the astonishment of the students, the informant stopped right when he got to the rabbi and started asking for forgiveness for all his crimes and how he treated the rabbi.  When he finished what he had to say, he got back on his horse and left. When the rabbi saw the dumbfounded look on his students’ faces, he explained, “when I saw the informant riding toward us, I thought to get saved with a posuk in the Torah. A posuk in Mishley came to mind, כמים הפנים לפנים כן לב האדם לאדם, “As water reflects a face back to a face, so one’s heart is reflected back to him by another.”  Quickly, I started to think of ways to justify his actions. Had he had a proper education he would never do this; how he must feel that he has no choice; maybe he’s under a lot of pressure. I continued to try to find excuses for him until I really felt bad for him and took all hatred for him out of my heart. Once I did that, his heart also had good feelings about me and he started to think good about me until he came to a state of teshuva.

‎Continued Reb yosef Chaim, this is what happened with Yaakov when Eisav was coming toward him. His full hatred was still burning & Yaakov, too, hated Eisav. However, when he saw Eisav coming toward him, he started bowing as he went.  While doing that, he was changing his mindset to find the good in Eisav so that when he finally reached him, all the hatred was gone from his heart. Right after that, the Torah says that Eisav ran to greet him & even kissed & hugged him, because once Yaakov released the hatred from his heart, the hatred left Eisav's heart too. 

Perhaps this is why he didn't feel that he had to split up his family any more. Once he realized that by just taking the hatred out of his heart, ‎he would be able to subdue Aisav, there was no need to split up any more. It worked so well that Eisav asked to travel with them. He wanted to stay together with Yaakov & his family which shows how far the hatred was gone. This teaches us, says the Meiri, that if we want to know how someone feels about us, we have to see how we feel about them for what's in our heart is in theirs. If one feels that someone hates him, instead of hating them back, he should try to put love in his heart for them. That will turn their hate into love, too. If we all do this, then we will once again be כאיש אחד בלב אחד!

Vayeitze

‎Our parsha details how Yaakov made a deal with Lavan that he would work for his daughter, Rachel, for seven years & then he would get to marry her ‎. After Yaakov worked seven years, the posuk tells us regarding those years ויהיו בעיניו כימים אחדים באהבתו אתה, and they seemed like a few days because of his love for her.

How do we understand that?  We all know that when we want something & have to wait for it,‎ each day seems to take forever; so how did seven years seem like a few days? Just  the opposite would make sense. 

Harav Eliyahu Lopian explained as follows , a person sits down to a meal & the chef asks what do you want to eat? The man answers, “I really love fish”, so the chef goes to the kitchen to prepare the fish for him.

There was a simple fellow sitting nearby who heard this exchange. He thought that this man who loved fish was waiting for someone to bring him a tank of water with fish inside so he could watch them,  feed them & enjoy being with his "loved ones ". How shocked was this simple fellow when he saw that they brought a big fish on a plate & this man who claims to love fish, sticks his knife & fork in it, starts cutting up the fish, puts it into his mouth & chews & eats the fish! The  simple man turns to the other man & says " is this what you do to the ones you love?? It can't be that you really love fish, for if you did you would never treat them this way!” 

In reality, he's correct.  If the man really loved fish, then he would never have them served to him as food. So, what does he love? He loves himself & enjoys the taste of fish. Since he loves himself, he treats himself to the fish.  

Continued Rav Lopian, most people make a mistake in what the word love means. ‏ Most people think ‎that love is a pleasant feeling that fills a person when he finds a person who ‎ defines himself as your friend. However that's not true. True love is wanting to do for a friend; one wants to keep giving & doing all good for him. Rav Dessler explained that when two people have a good connection, it's when they reach the level of giving, when each one just wants to give to the other. If one is just looking out for himself & says, “hey, I did this for you, now you have to do this for me”. That is love that won't last. 

‎The only time that it feels like forever when one is waiting for something, is if it's something one wants for his own enjoyment. Then a person can't wait to get it. However, the love Yaakov had for Rochel was true love that he wanted to give to her. He wasn’t looking to take.  Since this was a pure love, the years seemed to fly by like just a few days . 

‎There are three different forms of love taught in the Torah. This story is the first, teaching us the way a husband & wife should love each other. The second is ואהבת לרעך כמוך,  where it says to love your friend like yourself & the third is teaching us a love for Hashem ‏, ואהבת את ה אלקיך

This, says הרב עמיאל, is like a ‏threefold thread that's not easily broken. If one is missing, the other two won't stand. He says that they go in order; first a person has to have love for his wife & family & only after that he could come to love everybody else. Only after a person has the love for his wife & then for all other people can he begin to come to loving Hashem ‎. We have to learn from here how to treat our spouse, to always be the one to give. After we master that, we can go on to help out other people & then finally come to the ultimate love - the love for Hashem!

Toldos

After the parsha commences with the birth of Yaakov & Eisav, we learn how they grew up & went their separate ways. Then, the Torah informs us which child was each of the parent’s favorite: ויאהב יצחק את עשו כי ציד בפיו & Yitzchok loved Eisav for trapping was in his mouth ורבקה אהבת את יעקב, but Rivka loved Yaakov.  

The Targum translates “Yitzchok loved Eisav because he ate from his trappings”  about which Rashi brings the Midrash that says,  “because of the mouth of Eisav , because he used to fool him with pious questions.”

Both of these reasons for Yitzchok's love of Eisav need explanation. First, according to Targum, how could the fact that Eisav gave Yitzchok food cause him to love Eisav more than Yaakov  who sat & learned all day. Even according to Rashi’s reason that Eisav fooled him with pious questions, how could he love Eisav more when all he did was hunt all day while Yaakov sat & learned. 

‎Rav Yosef Tzvi Salant in his sefer באר יוסף explains based on a Rambam ‎that ‎discusses what's better, a person who was born with an inclination for good, who doesn't even have a desire to do bad and who sits & does good all day or someone who was born with the desire to do bad but works on himself to do good. He determines that one who has the desire for bad & wants the worldly pleasures but works on himself, abstains & does good is better than the Tzaddik who never even had a bad thought. 

 

Yitzchok applied this understanding to his two sons. Yaakov, he thought, was a natural tzaddik who never even entertained the thought of sinning, whereas Eisav was naturally bad. However, Yitzchak thought that Eisav was working on himself & that's why he went hunting all the time, to get out the evil so that he wouldn't murder.  Even more so, he brought his father food & asked questions, so Yitzchok thought he was really better than Yaakov because he had to work on himself whereas Yaakov didn't.  

Why wasn’t Rivka fooled?  Reb Naftali of Ropschitz explains that since Yitzchak grew up in the home of Avraham & Sara, he never saw any trickery or deceit so when Eisav asked questions he had no inkling that they weren't truthful.  However, Rivka who grew up in the same house as Lavan, saw plenty of deceit & was able to see right through Eisav's facade of righteousness. As well, Hashem had already explained to her the cause of the disturbance within her womb.

As the gemara relates, when Reish Lakish would talk to someone in the marketplace, one could feel comfortable trusting him with money. Why didn't they say that about Reb Yochanan or any of the other sages of that time? Since Reish Lakish was a bandit when he was young, when he talked to someone, he could tell immediately if he was honest or not; but the other rabbis, who grew up pious, weren't able to tell. 

This instills in us a powerful lesson.  Most of us weren't created with the desire only to do good; we tend to have to work on ourselves to get rid of the natural inclination for bad & push ourselves to do good. However, we see that that's really the goal, the one who was born with the desire to only do good isn't as great as the one who has to work on himself. As well, just like Reish Lakish & Rivka who had a better sense of what people were all about, we, too, could learn not to be fooled by phonies.

When Reb Shlomo Wolbe & Reb Moshe Shmuel Shapiro started a yeshiva in Be'er Yaakov they asked the Chazon Ish to speak to the Roshei Yeshiva to send them "good" students. “Good bachurim”, the Chazon Ish replied, “don't need a yeshiva. It's your job to help others become good.” 

Instead of letting your desire for bad get you down, know that to overcome it is the ultimate!

Chayei Sara

After the events of the akaida at which Yitzchok was almost sacrificed,  Avraham decided that he would find a wife for his son. He made his servant, Eliezer, swear that he would search for a wife for him back in Charan, the land of Avraham’s family. Eliezer goes to Charan to look for the right girl for Yitzchok. In order to ascertain if the girl would be right for Yitzchok, Eliezer had to know that she possessed the trait of chesed, kindness. ‎

Eliezer prays to Hashem that he find the right one & made a test for the girl he chose to pass to prove that she possessed this trait of chesed. והיה הנער אשר אמר אליה הטי נא כדך ואשתה , let it be that the maiden to whom I shall say, please tip over your jug so I may drink, ואמרה שתה וגם גמליך אשקה , and who replies, drink and I will even water your camels, אתה הכחת לעבדך ליצחק, her, will You have designated for your servant, for Yitzchok. 

The Ben Ish Chai says if you analyze the pesukim you will see that what actually happened was a little different then what Eliezer had asked for. He had asked that when he asked for water, her response should be, “drink & I will even water your camels”.   What she actually said was, drink & then she gave him the jug to drink from & then when he was finished drinking, she said, “I will also give your camels to drink.”      

He explains from the Bais Aaron who says that everything was supposed to happen just as Eliezer had asked. However, there also had to be a reason & intelligence behind her actions. She knew exactly what she was doing; with her actions she was not only showing her chesed, she was also showing that she did things with thought & performed her chesed without any negative feelings. 

What did she do? She gave Eliezer to drink, who drank the water straight out of the jug. She didn’t know him at all and was uncertain if he was clean or if he had any diseases. ‎So what would she do with the rest of the water. She couldn't bring the remainder home to her family. To pour it out on the floor & get new water would be disrespectful so she offered to give the camels to drink so she could use the rest of the water on them & solve her dilemma, showing that not only did she do chesed but she did it the right way. 

Once, when Reb Yisroel Salant was on the train going to Vilna, he traveled alone & dressed like an ordinary person. A man was sitting next to him on the train in the smoking section & Reb Yisroel was smoking. This man obnoxiously said to Reb Yisroel that the smoke was bothering him. Instead of pointing out that he was riding in the smoking section, Reb Yisroel just apologized & put out the cigarette. A little while later, this man calls out again, “I can't sit anywhere near this old man; now he opened the window & it's cold. Again, Reb Yisroel just smiled & said, “I didn't open it but if you’re cold, I will close it for you. 

When the train pulled up to the station ‎there was a large crowd gathered to greet Reb Yisroel. When the man realized whom he had been harassing, he was mortified & went the next day to were Reb Yisroel was staying to ask forgiveness. 

When he came in, Reb Yisroel greeted him warmly. The man broke down, crying bitterly & apologized for what he had done. Reb Yisroel spent a lot of time consoling him & made him feel better. As he was leaving, Reb Yisroel asked him what brought him to Vilna to which he replied, to become a shochet.  Reb Yisroel helped him find a teacher & made sure he knew everything.  Afterwards, he helped him find a job, all to show that he had no hard feelings & the man shouldn’t be embarrassed to see him.

This shows us‎ how far we have to go to avoid harming another individual.  Even when doing someone a favor, one has to make sure not to hurt or embarrass them in the process.  Or if someone is embarrassed already, to do everything in our power to ‎minimize it, thereby accomplishing the ultimate form of chesed!  

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