Acharai Mos / Kedoshim

‎‎While instructing us to be holy, the Parsha of Kedoshim  mentions many ways that we can perfect ourselves, one of which is הוכח תוכיח את עמיתך, that one needs to rebuke his friend. Since we know that every time the Torah says את it comes to include something, Reb Yisroel Salant asks what does the את come to include in our posuk? Also, how does rebuking our friend perfect us?  It seems like we're working on other people instead of ourselves?  

Perhaps we can explain with a mashal from the בן איש חי , There was a thief whom the king sentenced to death by hanging. The thief said, “I accept the verdict of the king.  However, there is a wondrous secret that I know which would die with me, so I would like to teach it to the king so that this knowledge isn't lost from the world.” This peaks the king’s interest so he asks the thief what is the secret. The thief answers that he knows how to plant seeds in the ground with a special preparation; once they are planted, within a half hour a full fruit tree will grow with the most magnificent fruit on it.  
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The king & his ministers are intrigued so they take him out to the garden & bring him an apple. He takes out the pits & asks for some specific spices & a pitcher of water. After mixing the spices & water, he puts the pits into the mixture, let's them sit for a while and then finally says the seeds are ready for planting. Let's plant them & in half an hour we'll have a full tree. However, there is one condition. The one who plants it can never have stolen anything in his life. Therefore, I can't plant them for I have stolen. He takes the bucket with the seeds & gives it to the second to the king, telling him to plant it. The second to the king says, “I can't, for once, when I was young, I went to buy something for my father & told him it cost more than it did so I could keep the rest.” The man then turned to the treasurer telling him to plant it. The treasurer said, “I'm in charge of all the monies going in & out of the kingdom; it's possible that I miscalculated. I can't take the chance.” Finally he turns to the king  saying, “you plant it.” The king said, “I can't. I remember once, when I was little, I took some jewels  ‎from my father's treasury. Let's get someone else to plant it. 

At that point, the thief turned to the king & said, “Your honor, the king, your second in command said he once stole. The treasurer admitted that he wasn't totally clean. Even the king himself admitted that he had stolen from his father! So, why would you sentence me to death because I stole some bread to feed my family? The king understood what this man had shown them & set him free. 

The extra את, says Reb Yisroel Salant, comes to include oneself. As the gemara says, first judge yourself, then you can judge others. If you see something in someone else that you feel needs rebuking, ‎ first look into yourself to verify that you're not doing the same thing. As the Baal Shem Tov explains the repetition of הוכח תוכיח, one cannot see a flaw in someone else unless they, too, have that flaw in some form.Thus, seeing an inadequacy in others is a reflection of one’s own failings. 

Perhaps this is how rebuking our friend can perfect us. When we see imperfections in our peers, instead of degrading them, we should look into ourselves & see what we're doing wrong; perfect it & only then say something to them. Not only will we be helping our friend to grow, but we will be perfecting ourselves, too!‎
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