Devarim/Tisha B'AV

The Torah starts out ספר דברים by saying אלה הדברים אשר דבר משה, these are the words that Moshe spoke instead of the usual וידבר משה. Then the posuk  goes on to list several of the places where the Jews angered 'ה

Rashi explains that Moshe was trying to admonish them before his death & was alluding to all the times that they angered 'ה along the way. The reason he didn't explicitly recount their wrongdoings & just alluded to them, was because of כבודן של ישראל, he didn't want to embarrass  כלל ישראל.   

The sins we're talking about were serious ones, like the מרגלים for which they wandered in the desert for 40years, & the sin of the עגל for which we still suffer from today. Every calamity that befalls us is in some way a punishment for the sin of the golden calf. Still, Moshe didn't explicitly say the sins in order not to embarrass them. This, says הגר"ח שמולאביץ, shows us how careful we need to be with someone else's feelings.

Don't think that this is only because it was the whole nation, for even the honor of one person is of utmost importance to 'ה. The gemara tells us that the shame suffered by Bar Kamtza upon being publicly thrown out of a banquet caused 'ה to aid him in destroying the בית המקדש.

R' Eliezer said regarding this story, "look how great the power of embarrassment is! For 'ה even helped Bar Kamtza who was of lowly stature retaliate for his embarrassment & burnt the בית המקדש, exiling the Jewish people. So we see that even for one person's embarrassment untold suffering comes to the world.  

There's a story told about ר' אביגדור הלברשטם, who once came to a town for שבת, & was put up in the home of one of the distinguished townspeople. As was custom, the serving dish was placed before him to take, & then to be passed to the rest of the people. However, instead of just taking a little, he finished the entire bowl. He then asked if there was more & finished that too. No one understood what was going on, especially since he usually ate very little.

After they left the town, he explained that when he took the first bite there was a foul taste, & he realized that the wife accidentally used vinegar instead of oil. In order not to embarrass this woman, he ate all the food.

How come later on in the parsha Moshe seemingly has a change of heart, & explicitly goes through each sin in detail.  How can we learn not to embarrass from the first posuk where he alludes to the sins, when a little while later he recounts each one? What happened to not embarrassing anyone?

The שפתי חכמים answers that in the first posuk when he alludes to the sins, he's talking about all the sins they did. That has to be done with a hint for to say them all at once would be embarrassing. However, later on when he relates one at a time, there's no embarrassment for אין צדיק בארץ אשר יעשה טוב ולא יחטא, there's no righteous man in the land that only does good & doesn't sin. Therefore, to be rebuked for one sin is normal & there's no embarrassment, as opposed to when it's a lot of sins all together. That's why here, Moshe just alluded to them.

Why bother alluding to them in the first place? Why wouldn't he just go through them one at a time & avoid any possible embarrassment the hinting could cause?

Perhaps it's to teach us something. Every year on תשעה באב we are told about all the sins that were committed which in turn led to the destruction of the בית המקדש. We are told that since משיח hasn't come we're still doing the same sins. For most people that's a little overwhelming & therefore nothing changes. When there's so much to work on, nothing gets done.

What Moshe is trying to tell us is not to be daunted by all the sins that the בית המקדש was destroyed for. We should just focus on making one thing better; take one thing at a time.

Maybe that one thing should be what the Torah is teaching us here; to avoid at all costs anything that might embarrass someone. If we're careful about that then we're one step closer to rebuilding the בית המקדש in our day!